I laughed out loud when I first heard the term “tattoo regret,” but I know first-hand that, in a human workplace, there’s a threshold moment when a manager realizes he’s got employee regret.  An employee isn’t working out - but it’s not funny, and not easy to fix.

The actual problem might be the employee’s abilities, or it might be a “motivation” issue - or some combination of both – that adds up to a non-fit. The main thing is, the difference between what had been originally hoped for, and what has turned out to be true, can no longer be ignored.

Handling the particular situation well requires one kind of strategy. Insuring that it mostly doesn’t happen again – prevention – is the better approach for the long haul, and hinges on learning the right lessons.

Obviously, a manager begins by managing his or her own feelings.  That’s crucial, especially since everything changes the instant an employee senses you’re no longer thrilled they’re on your team. Be prepared for a range of responses, including denial and aggression, when you broach the problem.

For you, the manager, remember – it’s always about the work and work performance. Your demeanor and use of language should convey that, and only that.

Prevention is the key:

Monitor that “uh oh” feeling, and head toward problems early.

Invest time in mentoring and/or coaching the employee without even hinting that you’re too busy, or that you’re annoyed you have to do it.

Remember, until that threshold (time to terminate) is crossed – it isn’t. Your focus is helping your employee succeed, and first approaching things as problems to be understood and solved – really.

As a purely practical matter, authentically helping an employee succeed increases the likelihood the effort will bear fruit, and decreases the likelihood there will be unreasonable fallout if it doesn’t.

It’s not quite win-win, but it’s a reasonable facsimile. After that, yes, you may have to do what was going to need to be done anyway. But you’ll know you did it the right way.

Every once in awhile I dream of coming up with some phrase that’s so memorable and evocative, I can copywrite it. Then it would get picked up out there somehow, create some “buzz,”, generate a ton ideas and comments – as well as a bestselling book. So far, no luck.

But I was leafing through some notes having to do with employees describing what made a good boss, and I noticed how often what got said connected to feeling “encouraged” to stretch, take something new on, and so many times the boss had more confidence in the employees than they did in themselves.

I’ve also noticed that some managers are “naturals” – almost effortlessly good at explaining a goal or a project so that the employee “sees” what’s expected while also feeling assured it’s “do-able.”

It’s a real skill to combine describing the process, anticipating the trouble spots, assuring support and adequate resources, and accurately describing the good outcome long before it happens. When a supervisor handles it well, it results in less anxiety (which means better initial listening and comprehension), less outright resistance, and a much higher probability of overall success.

Some supervisors are just more comfortable dealing with human nature – in all its splendor – than some others. For some, displays of anxiety or self doubt are weaknesses not suitable to a workplace – and some barely hide their true feelings behind that manufactured smile.

Most supervisors have been around long enough to recognize that not all line employees share their commitment to the job– but the “naturals” are consistently slower to be irritated or get exasperated at employees for being so needy – a repeat of instructions, say, or yet another reassurance about real and imagined “problems.”

Relaxed supervisors smile through the initial static, then slowly, appreciatively – but relentlessly – expect people to perform and the job to get done.   Their message:

“We can do this.”